John of the Cross
Juan de la Cruz. In Spanish, John of the Cross is Juan de la Cruz. The moniker for the Filipino people.One of the reasons I chose to write this book is to answer a lot of questions that will arise once Epy Quizon’s movie The Dancer Within comes out. It places me in a rather peculiar light. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAArfDQAUi0)Who is John? Which John is it? Many references in the movie relate to John the beloved and John of the Cross, and the fact that I changed my name to Juan while I was living in Palawan. In my past writings, I used to mention John of Patmos and I’m often heard singing the only guitar song I know by John Lennon. Even the books I read have heroes in them named John. It was not part of any elaborate plan. Just as Epy will attest to how things happened to him, things just ended up happening to me too.When I was on the island, I felt a resonance with one of Jesus’ disciples. John the Beloved. I was piqued at the ending of the Book of John, specifically the part about the existence of a disciple who would tarry on Earth until Jesus comes again. The Book of John was my favorite book in the Bible. The spirits mentioned him occasionally, particularly when they were asking me to undergo the name change from Pi to Juan.So when I was starting to bring my healing work to Luzon, a kindly nun set me aside one night and spoke to me. She told me that she felt compelled to tell me the story of a babaylan in the far North of Luzon who may have a connection with me. The more that she told me about Kako, a spirit who descends upon a lady named Lita, I felt a curious vibration on my skin. I listened with rapt attention, but I was also becoming weaker every minute. The Good Shepherd nun who spoke to me, Sister Rosario, spoke of how she underwent a forty-day sickness before she met this Kako spirit. My curiosity was aroused because of the many similarities on the character of this spirit and the feminine spirit who was my guide, protector, and divine mother all these years. She also briefly mentioned that Kako precedes a male counterpart named Kakay, who is supposedly the resonant spirit of John the disciple.The day after this conversation, I got sick. For the next forty days, a feverish chill took over me for a few hours and I would experience a feeling of dying and rebirthing on a daily basis. My brother had to check me into a hospital when he found me naked in the bathroom delirious, splashing myself with water. In the two hospitals I was checked into, no doctors could effectively diagnose what was wrong with me. My temperature would jump from normal then all the way to a fatal 42 degrees in a matter of seconds, which would remain for a couple of hours until it returned to normal as rapidly as it rose.As soon as I was finally able to get away from the hospitals and the well-meaning doctors, I locked myself in a hermitage in Tagaytay City. I knew what was happening. I was being cleansed again, in a different way. Each day, I had to expect the raging sickness, that daily death as I hid from the world, coming out of it feeling lighter than ever, only to fall unconscious again the day after. Little by little, the sickness left. And I felt different once more. Not stronger, not weaker. Different.The Spirit named Kako. A few weeks later, I felt the strange weakening again. Suddenly, Sister Rosario called to inform me that Kako was is Manila and that I could meet her that evening. Sister Rosario’s mother was injured and she called Lita to come to Manila in the hope that Kako would come and heal her mother. Things began to make sense in my mind. If Sister Rosario experienced the cleansing sickness right before she met Kako, I felt like I too was subject to the same healing process.I rushed to a house in Fairview with Chato, Bong and a Korean lady named Soni. When we got there, Lita was waiting. It took maybe a little over fifteen minutes when the affable Lita started to yawn and cough. She bent over and when I saw her face again, she was transformed from a middle-aged woman into an elderly grandmother. A person who lived in that house gave her a cigar and she began to speak in the old Ibanag dialect which had to be translated by her aide. The first thing she told me was that I took much time in finding her. That she had been waiting for me for a long time. I was surprised. My first words were supposed to be just the opposite: that I had been looking for her for a very long time.And thus, a long meeting took place. She austounded me with the assertion that Sister Rosario’s mother had to have an accident so that she would be called to Manila and I could meet her (I was set to leave for Mindanao already). She told me that I must find a special place in Mindanao and that I was also being given a mission. I had to go inside the caves to find the bones of the ancient healers of this land. She affirmed certain things I wanted to know, and spoke of how the world forgot that it had the power to heal itself but that history made it forget. She then gave me a date on when I should return (3 months later), and that something important would take place. The date was Oct. 3.I got busy after that, concentrating on the work that I was given in Palawan – To give back to the world the dance that heals. The only time I remembered Kako significantly was a moment in a river in the Mt. Apo foothills when I was seated upon a rock and felt that rock speaking to me. It’s message was Resonance. “Listen,” it said. “Everything is resonating. Everything is alive.” I looked around to make sure I wasn’t imagining things. I looked again at this really big Rock I was on. It continued to speak to me. “Rocks are made of energy. Just as you are made of energy. You must learn the lesson of resonance. Look around you. Everywhere there is light. Even the dark places are light. Light is information. Information is everywhere. Your bones aren’t just bones. They are crystals. They are made of light. They seem like rocks but they are full of information. Just like Rocks. Rocks are crystals. And they have been here much much longer than man. Thus, rocks are in a way wiser than men. The lesson is Resonance. Raise your vibrations through love. Through the Inner Dance, raise your resonance that you may find connectedness even with the densest matter. May they be rocks, or bones.”And the communication ended. I was so illuminated that I was convinced that I didn’t have to spelunk inside any old cave. That we ourselves, our human bodies are caves full of shadow and darkness. But we are also crystals. And all we had to do was to ascend to our vibrant light bodies, by converting the shadows into resonant light. It is our bones, our density that contains the information that can help us remember Who We Really Are, and how we might become them.The Journey to the North. So, despite my schedules, I left for Manila before October 3. Right before that, I facilitated an Inner Dance workshop in Baguio City. The day after, Epy Quizon arrives with two of his crew to follow a lead on a mysterious Inner Dance session that happened in his house when Jaime Licauco was embraced by a warm spirit that led to a healing of his chest (he had undergone an angioplasty a month or two before).Epy ended up tagging along to my meeting with Kako despite his own busy schedule. The rest was caught on tape. How I resonated with something within me that spoke of things I don’t usually say, and hardly think about. A connection with John was established when I was made to go back to Kako’s temple the next day to meet the spirit Kakay, who is supposed to be John the Beloved or John the Evangelist. If you’re ultra sensitive, when you watch the film, you will see that I was in a kind of trance when Kakay came into the room. My energy changed as the resonant Kako moved to another woman and Lita was becoming Kakay. The camera didn’t catch it but I was at the back of the room having chills and feeling this unbelievable energy activate within me. Before that, I was inside the van while Lisette was asking me to go out already. My mind was resisting what was about to happen. When I went into the church, I was already in a half-trance. By the time I was already dancing in front of Kakay/John, I was being directed by the energy. It was a different energy than what it was the first time I danced in Palawan. I was more conscious this time, more accepting that these two divergent energies I now feel are both me; it was if I was speaking to myself: “flow through me as I flow through you.”Moving on … what I want to talk about is the sponsoring principles behind the event. I’m going to assume that you either watched the film or can get access to it.The importance of the whole event can be summed up in the words Kako compelled me to say in front of the camera. I am The Father and The Mother.How audacious that must be, eh? Who did I think I was? Who do I think I am? Give me a minute.I am anything other than audacious. Everything, I repeat, EVERYTHING, I repeat ……… EVERYTHING is an ILLUSION. You can argue with me again and again about this, and it doesn’t matter, everything IS an illusion. The flying Dutchman is an illusion, so is that Jollibee mascot, so are you and me. So is John. John is a symbol that resonates within the collective consciousness. Everything that seems real is a resonance within the collective consciousness.Without my planning it, my life’s patterns ended up collapsing on a resonating symbol which is John.When I was in Palawan, I heard the voice, The Mother and I Are Now One. That was a different resonating symbol. When my body moved to the flow, I was manifesting the resonance I received in Kalipay. The flow is the feminine principle. It is not rigid, nor is it unyielding as the male principle sometimes is. Having lived with flow alone for all that time, I became it.Now if you watch the film closely, notice how Kakay or the male principle descended upon Lita only after Kako was in the room; the spirit transferred to another medium in the room.There is an important lesson in this. Listen. I’m not making this up, this is how it happened and the meaning behind the events is what things boil down to.I’m not about to claim that I AM this John, or worse yet, Jesus his master. If John is symbolic, or better yet, if Jesus is symbolic, if everything is illusion and the world is much much older than we think, John and Jesus is not in the clouds above us as some institutions would have us think. All of creation resonates from within. Within Us. This is a quantum principle that cannot be denied, not even by science.We all have in us the quantum resonance that is everything and everyone that was ever created, and will ever be created. Infinity exists within us, Here and Now. What makes me such an anomaly was my willing and insane nature to break out of the resonance that is the world, what popular culture now calls the matrix. And so, this is the most logical explanation I can give you on what IS this Inner Dance. It is a resonance of all the coconuts I’ve eaten, those two years of happiness, that long walk in Mindanao, that thirty-six day fast in the mountain, that meeting with the Mexican, and a host of a lot of other things you don’t know about.There is nothing esoteric about any of it. If you think about it, all these can be understood by both the scientific and the spiritual mind. From the angle of food, the coconut is known to have the highest measurement in frequency (300 hz.) compared to all other foods. Try eating it (and only it) for two years and see if you don’t get any sort of resonance from it. While everyone I used to know was living in a world that was resonating with mobile telecom frequencies, food preservatives, a lot of problems, corned beef, and such, I was communing with some eagles, some sea turtles, squirrels, a white sand beach with almost no human complex human companions. Not by way of putting myself in a pedestal, this is the best way I can both prevent people from jumping into conclusions after seeing the movie, as well as keeping true to the very reasons I’m on this Earth in the first place.Let’s go back to what happened in Cagayan.Listen. The world has embraced the symbolic Kakay (or the male) principle for so long that it has forgotten the balance, or the way things truly work.According to the Cagayan event, the feminine principle is supposed to come before the male principle. The heart, spirit or essence of a thing must come before the mind, logic or form of a thing. This is the secret, this is the primary message that is signified in the event.The message in Palawan was The Mother and I are now One. The meaning of the message was that I had found in that island, surrounded by water, the feminine principle. The flow. The message in Mindanao was the opposite of just living in a beach doing absolutely nothing. Instead, I lived a passionate life walking around with fire inside me. It was a time for resonating with the male principle.The message in North Luzon is balance. If the feminine principle, the water, the flow, the essence, the heart, or the spirit is in the room, then and only then should the male principle – the mental, logic, rigidity, fire, creative energy – descend.Having been a vehicle for the energy of the Divine Mother for the longest five years in my life, I’ve long before realized that the flow can only take you so far without mind. The problem lies in our tendency to push away the heart of a thing for the sake of our mental rigidity alone. Thus, our inability to flow, to let go of our trapped energies, our ability to heal ourselves as well as others.We are searching for a difficult balance. A Mind That Flows. Without purgation, the dark nights of the soul, today’s mind is attached to needs that make this flow difficult if at all possible, if we are going to found the land of promise we have been searching for a very, very long time.Thank you for listening. I didn’t come here to save the world. I’m just here on Earth to tell you that I can find my own joy and share that resonance for co-journeyers who are also looking for that same joy in their lives. If I didn’t explain any of this after the movie comes out, I would be biting more than I can chew, I would be painting myself into a very weird and lonely corner indeed.Everyone is Doing What I Am Doing. Everybody’s resonating one thing, if not another. When you enter a room in a bad mood, you are resonating that mood. Which you may have resonated from someone else who was in a bad mood. Someone who cooked your food or someone you passed on the street. Or someone who wrote a book that you read or wrote a script in a movie you watched. We are all full of this resonance. From the time you were in fetus, you were resonating things your mother resonated to. How much of this resonance got collected when you went to school. How much have you gathered from all the time you’ve spent glued to the TV? How much pain have you suffered? How much of that pain have you kept resonating within your day-to-day patterns? Everybody’s resonating all of the time.The Inner Dance is a Resonator. It is. When you’re in that state of trance, you realize how futile it is to hide from your inner self, no matter how hard you try. Your natural state bounds out of the box and you find your body moving in a way you didn’t command it to. And do you know why you don’t stop, despite your loss of control of your body? It’s because it feels right. The Inner, expressed, feels too good. Too natural. When it is happening, you feel the healing process taking place, don’t you?____________________In the old days, one person in a community will have undergone a long period of sickness, fasting, a purgation process much like Kundalini Rising or The Dark Night of the Soul. Usually female, that person becomes the community’s spiritual guide, and in cases of illness, the community’s healer. That person is called the Babaylan or the Baylan. Often prone to dancing in trance, the person is seen as a medium for the spirit of the divine mother. These prominent spiritual leaders are known to have passed a certain test (which the Indigenous Peoples of the Americas call a Vision Quest) in the deep forest, where they are made to survive in the wild in search of their higher calling. The babaylans too were resonators. They are the few who choose to undergo the cleansing in order to give unconditional service to their people. Lita herself underwent major bodily changes to be able to surrender her life to helping others unconditionally.A lot of those who’ve attended some of the more intensive inner dance gatherings will resonate with these ideas. They are figuring out that society is not sated with depending on one person in a community responsible for self-cleansing and performing a healing ministry. We are all called to resonate with our babaylans within. The old ideas that a savior somewhere will save the world is slowly fading into a new thought, more profound. We are all realizing that one soul cannot carry the weight of another; but only by looking at one’s weight and finding a way to convert that darkness into light might any kind of salvation truly take place._________________I have a nice story about a recent workshop I gave in Manila for how to build Inner Dance communities or core groups. I made people dance with rocks they randomly chose. Suddenly, their bodies began to do very spontaneous things with the rocks as if it had an inner energy that drove them to do some of the things that they ended up automatically doing; things you do not normally do with rocks. Later, I jumbled the same rocks in the center of the room and made people choose from the pile again. Suddenly, everyone’s dances changed. During the forum later, you can guess at what happened. People eventually discovered that they resonated the dance of the former owner of the rocks they got the second time. The stories and the movements matched in a way that it provided validity to the Inner Dance being a powerful resonator of one’s over-all inner and outer energy. There are too many interesting stories to put into even a voluminous book. Many of them, I’m leaving out until you demonstrate that you’re mind is open enough for some of the stranger inner manifestations of the Inner Dance. For the meantime, here are a few I don’t mind telling.Continued, Stories . . .
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